There is nothing funny about a computer virus – usually.  If you’ve been reading my previous posts, you should start to get the gist that cyberspace is scary and dangerous for even the very savvy and alert cyber citizen.

Viruses – hundreds of thousands of them and multiplying hourly!  Malware; Scareware; Botnets; Identity theft; Zombie Armies; Robots.  Yikes!  Enough Already!!!  I’m scaring myself!  Stop!  Please!  Give me a break!

OK.  Good Idea.  This really is heavy stuff.   Let’s take a short break from all the assaults on our security and lighten up our moods with a little bit of laughter.

Mark Twain wisely said “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

So, if you can stand it, here’s a list of viruses that have been around a while that might infect you with some laughter….

Adam and Eve Virus:   Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

AT&T Virus:   Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Time Warner Virus:   Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct Virus:  Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:   Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

Government Economist Virus:   Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus:   Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Gallup Virus:   Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

Texas Virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

Congressional Virus #1:   The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Congressional Virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.

Airline Virus:   You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

PBS Virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

NIKE Virus:  Just does it.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus:  Your programs can never be found again.

Star Trek Virus:  Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care Virus:  Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Chicago Cubs Virus: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

  He who laughs last, didn’t get it…”          Helen Giangregorio

    Partial list borrowed from